You’ve got a dirty whorish mouth

11 Apr

I’m uber competitive. I mean to an unhealthy degree. For instance, let me regale you with a tale from my kindergarten era in which there was a chart on the wall documenting the number of milk teeth each member in the class had lost. I was well out in front for a solid period of time and I was proud of my ‘gummy mcgee’ look as it meant I was a winner. That’s right, number fuckin’ one. However, a lad came back from the Easter break with four new gaps in his mouth and I could have cried. Oh wait, I did cry. I bawled – I went apeshit mental like the little brat I was. That evening at the tender age of 5 I asked my Pa (who is a badass by the way) whether he would tie string around some of the wobblier teeth, fix it to the door handle and slam it shut to yank some of those stubborn bastards out. He declined which was probably the wise thing to do, but as you see the urge to be the best (if one even can be at losing teeth??) was ingrained at an early age.

This leads me onto a brief synopsis of t’other night where my pal and I challenged each other to say the word ‘motherfucking’ as many times within the space of five hours. Suffice to say we were swearing as if The Weeknd and Snoop had just met a crew of sailors to discuss the work of Guy Ritchie. After around about the 40ish mark I lost count and thought it high time I curb my language so as to become more ladylike, more genteel, less gangsta. You get me?

Anyways, the below track goes a long way to combat the hideousness of my blasphemy as it is quite simply one of the most beautiful pieces of music I have ever heard. It only lasts a mere 1.41 but within that space of time I honestly think there is nothing purer in the world. How wank did those last sentences sound? Very.

Jon Hopkins – ‘Small Memory’

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